Help Da Kanaka

“Help Da Kanaka” – e-Hawaii Joke

Keoki is in bed with his wife, Nani when there is a knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.

“I not going get out of bed now,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

“You going answer that?” says Nani.

So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and dere is large Hawaiian man standing at the door. It didn’t take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.

“Howzeet,” slurs the Kanaka. “Can, give me one push, or what brah??”

“No, beat it! It’s tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already,” he says. Then Keoki slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, “Keoki, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember dat night we broke down in da pouring ua on the way for pick up
da kids from da baby sitter and you had to knock on dat man’s house foa help jes to get us started again? What woulda happen if dat guy told us foa beat it??”

“But da guy stay drunk,” says the Keoki.

“No matter,” says Nani “He needs our help and dat’s da Christian thing foa do to help him.”

So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes
downstairs. Keoki opens the door, and cannot see dat Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, “Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??”

And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, can please???”

Still Keoki no can see the Kanaka, he shouts, “Ey, Braddah, where you?”

And the Kanaka replies, “I stay ova here…

… On top your swing.”

(Submitted via email by “Jamie”)