U Know U Local Eef

“U Know U Local Eef” – e-Hawaii Joke

  1. You have a separate circuit breaker for your rice cooker/warmer.
  2. Only NOW you know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
  3. You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger.
  4. You know which market shave poi on which days.
  5. You know that Char Hung Sut is closed on Tuesday.
  6. You can handle shoyu with green mango, li hing gummy bears, raw egg on hot rice and pearl tea (Carnation milk in hot water with sugar) with creme crackers.
  7. Your refrigerator has a half-empty jar of mango chutney from the 1993 Punahu Carnival.
  8. The condiments at the table are Shoyu, ketchup, chili peppah watah and kimchee. Also, takuwan, Hawaiian salt, slice onion and pickled onion.
  9. You go to Maui and your luggage home includes potato chips, manju, cream puffs and guri-guri for omiyage (gifts).
  10. You think the four food groups are starch, Spam fried food and fruit punch.
  11. A balanced meal has three starches, rice, macaroni and bread.
  12. You know 101 ways to fix your rubber slippers…50 using tape, 50 using glue and one using a stick to poke the strap back in.
  13. You sometimes use your open car door for a dressing room.
  14. You wear two different color slippahs together and you no mind.
  15. Nice clothes means a T-shirt without pukas.
  16. You are barefoot in most of your elementary school pictures.
  17. You have a slipper tan . . . an upside down “v” on top of both your feet.
  18. Your only suit is a bathing suit.
  19. You drive barefoot.
  20. You have at least five Hawaiian bracelets.
  21. You never, ever, under any circumstances, wear socks with slippers, or an aloha shirt that matches your wife’s muumuu.
  22. You still call the Blaisdell Center, the HIC and its Sandy’s, not Sandy Beach
  23. You say “I going for lawnmower da grass” when you mean “I’m going to mow the lawn.”
  24. You can understand every word Bu La’ai says and you know what his name means, too.
  25. You have a sister, cousin, aunty or mom named “Honey Girl” or, someone in the family named “Boy,” “Tita,” “Bruddah,” “Sonny,” “Bachan,” “Taitai,” “Popo” and/or “Vovo.”
  26. You still chant “Hanakokolele” when a friend or co-worker goofs up.
  27. You say, “Shtraight,” “Shtreet,” and “Shtress.”
  28. You say “Da Kine,” and the other person says “Da kine” and you both know what is “Da kine.”
  29. The “Shaka” and the “Eye Flash” are worth 1,000 words.
  30. You’re shopping at Epcot Center at Disneyworld and you may say something to your sister and a complete stranger says, “you’re from Hawaii, aren’t you?”
  31. You feel guilt leaving a get-together without helping clean up.
  32. The idea of taking something from a heiau is unthinkable.
  33. You call everyone older than you “Auntie” or “Uncle” and you kiss everyone in greeting and farewell.
  34. You let others cars ahead of you on the freeway and you give shaka to anyone who lets you in.
  35. Your philosophy is “Bumbai.”
  36. You’d rather drag out the compressor and fill that leaking tire every single morning than have it fixed at the local gas station.
  37. The only time you honk your horn is once a year during the safety check.
  38. If a child needs a home, give him one. He becomes “Hanai.”
  39. You can live and let live with a smile in your heart.
  40. Your male best friend’s name is either Wade or Max.
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